A Holiday PSA About Women and Drinking

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Well, I'm not pregnant but I sure was last Christmas.  
(We found out we were pregnant right before we went to our friend's Christmas party last year.  I wanted to be sure I shouldn't drink :)

So I wanted to give a little public service announcement before Christmas and New Years: if you see your sister, niece, girlfriend, daughter, step-daughter, neighbor, high school classmate, babysitter not tipping one back this holiday season I have one thing to say to you: keep it to yourself.  One of the hardest things (for me) about early on in my pregnancy was having to go to a million holiday parties and pretend to drink. We actually had 7 parties and a weekend away with friends for a wedding...it was a lot of pretending.  I know it sounds terrible and that my friends and family are a bunch of lushes but when a 20-something year old woman doesn't drink at a party PREGNANT might as well be written in thick black Sharipe across her forehead.  For this reason I had so much anxiety going into parties while early pregnant when really I should have had the opportunity to just relax. I was already feeling like I was going to vomit all over the place from the hormones racing through my body.  
(At our friend's Christmas Party.  It was 90s themed, I was 90s goth and my husband was super cute Save the Bell 90s.  I have never felt more unattractive!) 

In an effort to not get called out, my husband and I would come up with a game plan. It would go like this: 

Me: okay I heard there is only going to be beer and wine tonight. 
Aaron: crap (he would have said shit for sure), that's going to be hard. 
Me: I know, the worst. Go to the bar right away and see if you can order me a beer in a dark bottle and I'll go to the bathroom and see if I can pour it out and fill it with water.  **cue the sweating**
Aaron: you got it, I can always go to the bathroom and pour it out for you too. 

There were nights where that would play out beautifully and I would sneak into the restroom by myself and fill a beer bottle up with tap water. Let me tell you, nothing screams Happy Holidays like nursing a beer bottle filled with warm water while 8 weeks pregnant. #gag Then there were nights while drinking vodka soda waters with lime minus the vodka worked but it was too hard to keep dodging the question "Soooo when are you and Aaron going to start having babies?" A quick "We will see when it happens..." and changing the subject would sometimes work.  It's also hard talking to liquored up people who will just straight up call you out. "Why are you not drinking? You are totally pregnant. Oh my God you are pregnant!!!!!!! Sally* !!!!!!!. KRYSTEN IS PREGNAANTTTT!!!" Awesome.  

As if I don't have enough to worry about. Mainly not tossing up my warm water I'm drinking from a dark beer bottle. 

Calling women out about pregnancy can do one (or more) of five things: 

1. Make her tell you she is pregnant before she is ready.
2. Make her lie STRAIGHT to your face. And you deserve to be lied to, just saying. 
3. Make her feel like a big pile of crap if she just had a miscarriage, is trying to get pregnant, is going through IVF, adopting etc.
4. If she doesn't want to have kids, she has to explain to you why she doesn't want to have kids..and wants to punch you in the face.
5. Piss her off if she just doesn't want to drink.

All of these are no good. For anyone.
(Oh yeah, then we hosted NYE.)

So what I am saying is please, PLEASE, if you see any woman in your life not drinking or pretending to drink, just smile and ask her how work is, what tv shows are her favorite, tell her you love her shoes or heck discuss what the weather is going to be like in June, just don't ask or call her out about babies.  It's not fair and she will totally appreciate it.  In the back of your mind you can think you might be on onto a little secret...or not.  But please keep it to yourself. 

To all you mamas drinking shots out of emptied out vodka bottles crossing your fingers no one wants a sip of yours on New Years, cheers! I tip my giant glass of real champagne I will be drinking this year to you!  


*This is not to hurt any of my friend's or family's feelings.  I know you were all just very excited for us to have a baby.  We were very excited too!

* We had our reasons as to why we didn't want to spill the beans about being pregnant early on.  Someday I will go through the whole story of how we were blessed with Addie.  I promised once she was here I would; for all the women scouring the web looking for a similar story to theirs with a happy ending. I was one of them not too long ago.

*Thank you to all our family who DID know and passed me virgin drinks, diverted conversations and kept us in your prayers.  We are forever grateful.

*I don't have any friends named Sally. 

*Lastly, I would like to give my self big props for typing the majority of this on my phone, while nursing the baby at 3:00 am. Bam.


  1. We must have babes about the same age. :) Went through the same thing last year, only I also sang in a rock band with 5 dudes. Pretending to drink with them on show nights most of the winter was excruciating. My husband started "suddenly" (after 4 years) being our biggest fan, showing up to every gig just to help with fake drinking.


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